How To Fix Everything
by ScruffyLovin
Summary: Alternate Reality. Logan is having a hard time coping after an incident where something went terribly wrong. Ororo is there to help try to pull him back on his feet again. One-shot. -Please Review-


**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the X-Men alright? Now leave me in peace before I get my muse ta cut you into pieces.****

**Summary: **Alternate Reality. Logan is having a hard time coping after incident where something went terribly wrong. Ororo is there to help try to pull him back on his feet again. Ororo/Logan pairing.****

**Note: **This story contains dark subject matter, you have been warned. Also, the mutants we know that may appear in this fic are _without_ their powers.

**2ndNote: **The song used in this fic is called _'How To Fix Everything' _by Bayside.

**How To Fix Everything**

Bile rose up into his mouth, burning the back of his throat as he sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, a razor that badly needed sharpening resting in the palm of his left hand. He swallowed quickly with a grimace, forcing himself not to throw up as he flipped his limp left hand and allowed the razor to fall to the light blue tiles.

_The sharper the edge, the cleaner the wound___

_So I'll be keeping it dull tonight for I deserve to hurt_

_Disfigure the outside to show how ruined I am_

_There's no pain and no pleasure when you're too numb to feel_

He picked up the razor slowly, then put it down again as he wiped his sweaty palms on his boxer shorts and leaned against the bathtub, the cold porcelain against his bare back making him momentarily shiver. As he brought the blade to his right wrist, all he could think about was that burning building with those children he couldn't save, and his fellow firefighters that perished along with the collapsing building, his best friend being one of them.

The razorblade sliced through the underside of his wrist, barely missing the vein. It didn't matter anymore, he couldn't feel it. The blade was dull, forcing him to press harder as he tried again, further up his arm. He still didn't feel it. It seemed like he never felt much anymore. The blood began trickling from the cuts on his arm, slowly at first, then faster as he cut deeper into the same wounds over again.

"Logan? You've been in there a long time, is everything alright?" a soft, caring voice called from the other side of the cracked wooden door.

He immediately faltered, dropping the blade at the sound of his wife's voice. "I - I'm fuh-fine 'Ro," he muttered shakily in responce.

Ororo quickly grew concerned at the debilitating tone of his voice, the barely noticeable clinking, metallic sound making her more worried and disbelieving that he was actually fine. She knew he had been depressed lately, with what happened to his best friend and all those children and other firefighters, but....would he really go that far as to hurt himself for something out of his control? He'd been in there a long time but Ororo never heard the shower turn on.

As the bathroom door began to creak open, Logan quickly grasped at his bleeding arm with his left hand in a feeble attempt to hide what he'd done. The blood on the tiles and the look on Ororo's face was enough to tell him that she knew. He winced, scrunching up his face in preparation for the onslaught of words and reprimands that she would no doubt use to condemn his acts. But nothing like that came, she was just silent.

Tears streamed down Ororo's face as she gasped softly and knelt beside her husband, avoiding the blood on the floor and shakily reaching for the stained razor. She stood automatically, bringing the weapon to the sink and turning on the water where she dropped the offensive blade. She couldn't bare to look Logan in the eyes at that moment. It hurt her too much to see him that way, that he had gotten to a point and she couldn't have helped him.

Logan didn't know what to think as he looked up at her, his left arm still clutching his forearm, even as the pumping blood ran through his fingers. He was feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded, but he couldn't tell her that, finding out about this had hurt her enough already, he could tell. As Ororo turned to him he could clearly see the tears running down her cheeks, and she just broke down when she brought a wet towel to his bleeding arm and pulled his hand away to access the damage.

"_Goddess, Logan_," she gasped, kneeling beside him again, her eyes open wide as she continued to stare at his arm. It was cut up in various places and bleeding heavily. The fact that he wasn't saying anything was doing nothing to ease her worries as she pressed the towel to his arm and began wrapping it up tightly. "I think I should call _9-1-1_," Ororo said with a sniffle as she tried to willfully stop the flow of tears.

"**No**," Logan managed to choke out forcefully and lurching forward as if he were going to leap to his feet and take off.

"Alright, alright," Ororo pushed back lightly on his chest, forcing him to lean back against the cold porcelain of the bathtub. She sniffled again, then took in a long shaking breath to steady her nerves. Before standing up once again, Ororo squeezed his arm and pressed his other hand against it. She stopped at the sink and plucked the razor from it as she left to insure Logan didn't hurt himself again while she was gone.

Logan sat there, staring out through the open door and leaning a little to the side so he could see what she was doing. His vision was getting fuzzy and he blinked a few times to focus on Ororo as she rushed back into the room and knelt down on the tiles once again.

She held antiseptic in one hand, a roll of gauze in the other. Taking the wet, bloodstained towel off Logan's arm, Ororo rinsed it out in the sink and applied the antiseptic to his cuts. She knew it had to sting, but he just didn't show any signs of feeling it. Frowning, she finished cleaning the wounds and wrapped his arm several times with the roll of thick gauze.

Logan's hands were shaking as his wife reached down and helped him to his feet. He wondered if she was mad, he already knew she was upset. His arm was starting to sting a little, but he didn't show any signs that it did as Ororo led him towards the bed and allowed him to sit down. He was dizzy and groggy, but he didn't want her to know. But it was obvious she already did.

Ororo gazed at him sadly with concern as his eyelids fluttered and he took in slow deliberate breaths and began to sway where he sat. "Maybe you should lay down." she sad softly, crawling onto the bed beside him as he slowly leaned back onto the pillows. "You're pale." she stated, causing him to glance over at her sideways.

He shakily dragged in a longer breath, but didn't say anything.

"Why, Logan?" Ororo finally said softly after a long silence. Her lower lip quivered, her eyes threatening to spill more tears as she tried desperately to keep them back. "Why would you do this? Why hurt yourself?"

He figured he owed her an explanation, though he wasn't quite sure he could come up with anything coherent at the moment. "I...." he started, slowly and shakily. "I - I cuh-couldn't...save anybody." Logan frowned, his dark eyes drifting to his heavily wrapped right arm.

A tear slipped it's way down Ororo's cheek and edged closer to him on the bed, wrapping her arms around him tightly and resting her head on his shoulder. "It wasn't your fault Logan," she said firmly, but gently.

"Kurt was my best friend 'Ro....I shoulda been able ta atleast help _him_." he trailed off into more mutterings of how he could have helped or done anything to change things.

Ororo sat up beside him and gently ran her fingers through his hair. _"You can't change what's happened Logan," _she whispered soothingly. _"You can't continue hurting yourself for this either. It won't fix anything. I love you Logan, and I don't want you doing this to yourself." _

Craning her neck when he didn't respond, Ororo found that he had fallen asleep. She worriedly checked his pulse, concerned that he had lost too much blood. Finding it good and steady, she crawled slowly off the bed and carefully drew the covers over him, wondering if he'd heard what she said before he fell asleep.

_**A few days later**_

Ororo wandered into the bathroom that morning to brush her teeth, her eyes immediately falling to the light blue tiles that still had traces of stained blood. She frowned, remembering how she found Logan sitting there on the floor, nearly bleeding to death. She never wanted to see him that way again. Ororo had tried talking to him after that, and she spoke to the Fire Chief, insuring he got some medical leave to think things over and regain his bearings. She still worried that he might try and hurt himself again, but lately he'd just been wandering around the apartment with no direction, seemingly a lifeless entity as if his body was just an empty shell with no soul.

Loving Logan was the only thing keeping Ororo sane at the moment. She knew she had to take care of him, but luckily she could do her job at home with her computer so she'd be able to stay with him all the time and still keep her job.

Heading into the kitchen after having dressed, Ororo sat down at the little table. She had her laptop set up, and with a cup of coffee by her side she was ready to get to work. Logan had still been sleeping when she went in there, so she was confident she had atleast another hour until he was up.

- - - - -

_There's a pedestal across the room and if I try to climb again this time the fall is fatal_

_I don't deserve such an easy exit so maybe my spine can snap on impact and I'll have to crawl away_

The breeze blew past slowly across the roof, Logan standing there in a pair of old sweats just staring down at the street below. If anyone were to see him there, they'd probably find that he was much too close to the edge for comfort. He'd been moping around the past few days and was badly in need of a good shave. Nothing seemed right anymore, everything was wrong and he just couldn't change what he was now, or what he thought he was; a good-for-nothing guy that didn't deserve to be alive when his best friend, and other innocents, were dead.

Logan took another slow, dangerous step forward, his toes just curling over the flat roof's edge. He leaned over a little, cars on the street busily rushing by. As he stood there, wondering if he'd survive the fall, Logan decided he didn't deserve an escape from life so easy, and maybe it would even be better if he just broke his back and had to drag himself away.

_I'm ready to take that big step_

_Start tearing off the layers I put up or is it too late to be anything but what I am_

_Identify the problem now let's see if we can fix anything_

A frightened gasp startled Logan out of his morbid thoughts and he took a big step back and turned around to see Ororo standing there by the door that led down the stairs. She had her hands clasped over her mouth and she was shaking. Logan's brows furrowed in sympathy. _How could I put her through this? What an asshole._ Another reason he felt like no good, and good-for-nothing.

"_Oh, Logan._" she gasped, rushing toward him and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Ororo started crying, and Logan couldn't tell if it was because she was relieved, or sad. "I - I thought...when you weren't in the room....I - _Oh God_, Logan I was so afraid you'd...you - " she trailed off with her babbling and cried into his chest.

He finally brought his arms up and around her waist, one hand reaching up to play with her long, exotic white hair. "I'm sorry I scared ya 'Ro." he finally said raspily, knowing that it wasn't enough. He needed to do more, it was his fault she was so emotional all the time. She worried about him too much.

Ororo backed off slowly, then wrapped one arm around Logan's left one. "Come inside, okay?"

"Okay," he answered stiffly, allowing her to lead him toward the door on the roof that led down to the stairs.

Once inside, Ororo convinced Logan to have some breakfast with her in the kitchen, but he settled on only drinking some coffee. Her eyes drifted to his right arm that was still bandaged from wrist to elbow with gauze. He seemed to be holding it tightly with his other hand absently. "How's your arm?" she asked softly, causing his head to jerk up.

Logan met Ororo's gaze with haunted eyes and he frowned, forcing himself to stop holding that arm. They hadn't really talked about his self-mutilation since that night, and every other time she asked about his arm he'd put up those barriers and lock her out. This time was different, Logan could tell she needed to hear him speak, she needed to hear the truth. "It stings a little sometimes." he mumbled quickly and softspoken.

"Would you let me take a look at it?" Ororo asked gently, hoping that he wouldn't shut her out again. It seemed like he might be starting to finally open up to her again. She reached out across the table and placed her hand over his. "I just want to make sure it's not infected or anything."

He sighed. He was ashamed of what he'd done, he really didn't want her to see it. Logan only knew that it would make her feel better if he allowed her to help him, so he would give in and sacrifice his pride. "Alright." he mumbled with a slight grimace.

Ororo just smiled and got up from her seat. "Wait right here," she held up a hand as if that gesture would be the only thing to keep him in place, then quickly left the kitchen to get some first-aid supplies.

When she came back and had Logan unwrap his arm, Ororo had to suppress a gasp at how disfigured his muscled flesh was. The wounds had begun to scab, but it was obvious that severe scarring would occur because of the deepness of the cuts. She poured antiseptic on some cotton balls and gently dabbed at the wounds, cleaning the blood-stained skin around them as well.

Logan hissed with a soft wince from the sting, but otherwise kept quiet. She wanted to help him, and that was more than he could say about anyone else he'd known, besides Kurt. He couldn't help but wonder why she would stick with him through all of this, but truthfully, deep down he already knew the answer. It was because she loved him. And he knew he loved her just as much, if not more. She was the only thing good in his life anymore.

**_One week later_**

Logan had gone back to work a few days before his medical leave truly expired. Ororo wasn't quite sure if he was ready for that, but he'd assured her that everything would be fine. He just felt bad for not pulling his weight lately, and they had been having trouble making rent with just Ororo's paycheck. Of course he didn't let her know that he knew that though. He sucked in a breath, put on a mask for his fellow firefighters, and went back to work.

Ororo had been busily typing away at her laptop when the phone rang. She saved her work, set her computer aside and got off the couch to answer the phone. "Hello?" she greeted softly, slightly alarmed by the answer she got.

It was the firehouse.

"Is there something wrong?" Ororo asked worriedly, her voice beginning to crack. If something had happened Logan would've been the one to call her....unless something happened to _him_. "Is Logan alright?" she asked quickly before the fireman got the chance to answer her first question.

"Oh, yeh. He's just a little shaken up." the man replied steadily.

Ororo recognized the voice when she thought about it a moment. He was the husband of her best friend, and somewhat a friend to Logan. They had their differences but she figured they would consider eachother friends. "Scott? Is that you?"

"Yeh, it's me Ororo."

"_Shaken up_?" she repeated softly, twirling the phone cord between her fingers. "Why? What happened?"

"Oh, um..." Scott hesitated a moment on the other line, and Ororo could hear some chatter from other firefighters in the background. "We got called in for a big fire at some warehouse today. Me and Logan went in, we found two homeless girls in there, hiding out for shelter. We got them out, then went back in to check for anyone else. Logan kept saying he could hear someone screaming, so we made sure to check everywhere, but I didn't hear anything." he paused in his explanation. "There was no one there Ororo. Logan, he - he kinda just freaked out, started hyperventilating. I made him put on his mask, then I nearly had to carry him out of there. He kept screaming about Kurt, that he had to save him..."

When Scott trailed off, Ororo looked down to the floor sadly and stopped twisting the phone cord in her fingers. "But he's alright?"

"Um, yeh." the answer was slow, unsure. "The reason I called Ororo, well, the Chief cleared him to go home for the rest of the day. He said that he should take the rest of his medical leave and come back when it was done. Uh, I think it's best you come pick him up. I don't think he should be driving."

"Alright." Ororo took in a deep, steadying breath. "I'm on my way. Thank you Scott." she barely heard him say, _'Take care'_, before she hung up the phone and ran to get her car keys.

- - - - -

The ride back to their apartment was quiet, and as they got inside, Logan immediately went to the living room and slumped down on the sofa with a heavy sigh. He stared blankly at the tv that was not turned on, and just remained there in his slightly sooty uniform consisting of his navy blue pants and navy FDNY t-shirt.

"Logan?" Ororo called to him as she set her keys down on the kitchen table and walked toward him. When he didn't look up she sat down on the couch and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It's alright you know. You just weren't ready to go back yet."

"I heard 'im 'Ro," Logan began softly in a strained voice. "I swear it. Kurt was callin' me fer help..." his brow furrowed and he looked so helpless, still staring at the blank tv.

As he sat with his hands resting on his knees, Ororo could see the thick, raised scars on his right arm. She tried to block it out of her thoughts, but she couldn't help remembering what he'd done, how she found him, and how it could've been alot worse. "Logan....Kurt's dead, he couldn't have been calling for you." Ororo began sadly. "Your mind probably just hasn't had time to come to grips with what's happened."

He looked over at her slowly, their eyes locking. He breathed in deeply, then let it out slow and shakily.

Ororo smiled sympathetically at him and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I'm going to get started on supper, you just relax awhile okay?"

Logan nodded slowly, watching her step into the kitchen. He reached toward the coffee table and grabbed the remote control, turning the tv on and flipping through some channels. Stopping on the _Discovery Channel _where an episode of _American Choppers _was playing, Logan dropped the remote down on the table and sunk further into the sofa.

A few minutes later, Logan was getting fidgety and couldn't sit there watching tv any longer. He dragged himself up from the sofa, peering into the kitchen to make sure Ororo was too busy to notice him getting up. Leaving the tv on, Logan crept through their bedroom and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He stood there for a moment, staring at his reflection in the mirror as he turned on the sink and let the cold water run. His reflection was rather haggard, and he still hadn't shaved in a while.

_Just close the door and let me do what I need 'cause it's better for us if you just let me leave_

Hands shaking, Logan pulled his t-shirt over his head and hung it on the hook behind the door. He turned and reached behind the shower curtain, taking out one of his plastic throw-away razors. Flipping it over in his hands a few times and breathing in and out heavily, Logan finally took out the blade and placed the empty razor on the edge of the sink. Heart pumping hard against his ribcage, he sat down on the edge of the bathtub and stared at the blade in his hand, his eyes suddenly flickering to the scars on his right arm.

_What the hell am I doin'? _He thought to himself, suddenly dropping the razorblade and running a hand through his hair. Logan shook his head angrily at himself. _I can't do this...I can't do this ta 'Ro. I love 'er too much ta make her hurt 'cuz o' me._

- - - - -

Almost fifteen minutes later, Ororo had finished preparing dinner and the food was now cooking in the oven. She headed back into the living room, expecting to find Logan, but only finding herself face to face with an empty couch, the tv still on. Getting worried, Ororo hurried into the bedroom and immediately went to the bathroom door when she found it closed, the light from inside leaking through the bottom of the door. "Logan?" she called hesitantly, her voice catching in her throat with worry.

When there was no answer, Ororo wrapped her hand around the door handle and slowly pushed it open, fearing what she would find and getting flashbacks of that particular night. What she found shocked her so badly her mouth hung open and she couldn't speak.

Logan stood there in front of the sink shirtless, turning to her as he wiped the remnants of shaving cream from his face. He managed a smile, picking up a damp washcloth and running it over his chin.

"Y-you shaved." Ororo stuttered, amazed and relieved beyond belief. She was so scared that after what happened at work he would've tried to hurt himself again, maybe to end it all. She rushed forward, wrapping her arms around him tightly and kissing his cleanly shaven cheek before tracing her fingers over the long sideburns he'd managed to groom nicely.

"Yeh, I did." he answered with a slight grin, his mood changing dramatically from before.

Ororo smiled so wide her cheeks hurt. She had tears of happiness streaking her face as she kissed him on the lips and pulled back with another warm smile, eyes watery. "I love you Logan."

He took in a deep breath, positive that he had made the right decision and hadn't gone to self-mutilation again. "I love you too darlin'."

It was then that Ororo had hope that things would be better for the both of them. She felt that with a little more time, Logan would be ready to live again, to open up fully to her and be able to learn to live with his grief. Things would get fixed, and life would once again be worth living.

_I'm ready to take that big step_

_Start tearing off the layers I put up or is it too late to be anything but what I am_

_Identify the problem now let's see if we can fix anything_

_How to fix everything_

- - - - - The End - - - - -

**Note: **It got a little long, but I hope someone enjoyed reading it. I jus' couldn't kill Logan at the end. x-0; It woulda broken my heart. Heh. Please Review!


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